We are born loved by our mothers, with our mothers. The father is the first "other" whom we know in our life that can either embrace us or reject us. What happens when he isn't there?
"Fatherlessness" is an accepted part of most of the world’s societies. It is not a shock to hear that someone’s parents are divorced, that their father left, that a woman is a single mother. It's a wonder why it's so expected, almost welcomed, when it's one of the biggest, yet unrecognized social issues. It is the breakdown of the family model. It is one of the most consequential, yet ignored demographic epidemics in the world today.
It is increasing outrageously and no one recognizes the devastation it leaves behind. The effect of this problem is evolutionary because it decides the fate of future generations, success or chaos, and the decision is entirely dependent on the individual whether they choose to succumb to the pain of their personal experiences or to let it make them a better person.
A father means the world to a son or a daughter. He is protection, he is inspiration, and he is love. A father cares, supports, listens, stays, and helps. He provided life for his children, and a father is always there to preserve it and to make sure that they grow in happiness and strength. A father's presence can change a child's future and the person they would become entirely. It is not enough for a father to simply be present to his family, but to go beyond the standard requirements and be accessible, participate and be firm, yet gentle in his disciplinary role.
With the expanding amount of single parent households, many ask why no one is paying attention, why no one seems to see what sadness and anger is being bred into the hearts of children. Director Justin Hunt (American Meth) has noticed and taken action against the epidemic of fatherlessness by filming a documentary on its affects called Absent. It features well-known as well as entirely unknown people of differing occupations such as musician, single mother, model, world champion boxer, author, prostitute, student, etc. and their stories of how their fathers left and how they feel about them now.
Here is the trailer for Absent so you have an idea of their attitudes.
“Across the globe, disengaged fathers are leaving a mark that will forever reshape the future of our planet. You show me a person that is angry, violent, depressed, selfish, sexually immoral, hyper-driven, or one of several other personality types, and I’ll show you a father wound. Nothing is more important to a young man, or a young woman, than a father’s love, respect and acceptance. And nothing is more damaging than when the question ‘Am I good enough?’ is asked of the father by the child, and the answer is silence.” – absentmovie.com
Do you agree with the level of importance this portrays a father figure having? Why or why not?
I agree that a father figure is extremely important in a young man or woman's life, but not as important as having a strong parental figure in one's life. I've seen several cases where the father isn't a factor in someone's life and those people turn out just fine. Our class president for senior year of high school did not know her father very well because he wasn't a part of her life but she did very well for herself. No doubt that if there isn't a father figure it makes it much more difficult for the child in their development, but if the mother steps up and does a good job raising the kids then there are very good chances that kid will be just fine. If the mother can provide that extra care and provide for her children along with balance a job, she is more likely to be able to give her kids as good a life if not better if the father was still in the picture. So I think a father figure is very important but if the father figure is not there then that responsibility falls on the mother.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the fact that in most cases every child needs a male role model or father figure in their life but sometimes life is better off without that father then with him. Speaking from experience, I grew up in a divorced household and very rarely did I see my father, but when I did it was never really by choice. Whenever I was with him I never felt at all loved. I felt the only reason he took me was so I could be away from my mother. Time spent with him was really never spent with him at all, it was more like me in one room and him in another until he had to take me home. When we were together for some reason or another, I could never do anything right in his eyes. So he would basically make fun of me constantly for it and make me feel utterly worthless just so him and his girlfriend could get some cheap laughs. Now that I'm grown up I want nothing to do with my father, not only for all the things he did to me but for what he did to my mother as well. I feel that my life would have been better without him in it rather than the few appearances he made that just emotionally scarred me. I am just one case, some fathers that live in the household do just as much damage as ones who leave. So who's to say who's better off the children of the divorced home or the children of the white picket fence home.
ReplyDeleteI agree that usually having a male role model is a good thing, however, i also feel like sometimes it would be better not to have a father figure at all. I know a few people who have terrible father figures who turned out kind of messed up themselves, like one of my friends whose father was abusive or another who cheated often on his wife. In these cases, i feel like an absent father figure would be much better to have, rather than have your role model be a bad one. I do agree that having a good father figure will do wonders, but sometimes that isn't how it works out. But i guess it depends on the father. I still think that the father figure isn't necessary, however, and i need to bring up the idea of lesbian couples raising children. I personally feel like lesbians would be great parents, and the idea that you need a father figure or a child will be screwed up contradicts this idea. I feel as if having one good figure will be good enough.
ReplyDeleteWhile I agree with the fact that having a father figure while growing up is very important, i do not so much agree with the entirety of the statement. I think that a child can strive to get their mothers love, respect, and acceptance just as much as they want their fathers. I think that kids need to have a father in their lives for it gives them someone to look up to. Kids can look up to their mothers too, but a father can provide a different option for a child to look up to. A father can be a role model for a young boy who wants to play sports like his father once did. I also think a father can help in providing assertiveness to a child helping to discipline them. A father can help keep children in line while it may be harder for a single mother to do that. Even though i think the father is a very important figure, i still think that families can succeed with a single mother parent and i have seen many cases where this is true.
ReplyDeleteI agree that a father has an extremely high level of importance in families, but I still think children can grow up to be just as good of people without their dads. Sometimes, it's better off that the father isn't in the picture if for example, they are abusive. If there is an abusive father in a family, the children can grow up to be depressed, angry people. But if an abusive father leaves the family, it may benefit the children. I am lucky enough to have a loving, caring father who does whatever he can to make me happy but I also have many friends who do not have fathers like this. I agree with Will that lesbian couples would make great parents. In this situation, the children will not have a father, yet they can still grow up with a loving roll model. I believe fathers are important figures in children's lives, but they can still be an amazing person without them.
ReplyDeleteAlthough my life has involved two loving parents, I have seen some of the affects of a missing father figure. My mom's father left home when she was thirteen years old, and died in a car accident in Texas a few years after. Without a doubt, this has shaped my mom's whole life. Ever since being a teenager she has battled with depression and anxiety. Like mentioned in the article, one of the main things that she deals with is a nagging feeling that she isn't good enough, that she's worthless. When a father is absent like that, it can easily be rationalized in a children's mind as I was not good enough for them to stay.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I hesitate to do is to blame a missing father figure for a child’s lack of toughness, or emotional instability. There seems to be great stock in the father's lone ability to toughen up their kids. From personal experience my mom was always a lot harder on me than my dad. There are no strict guidelines on what someone is missing when they don't have a father figure. Rather the main thing that a person is missing is another person to love them unconditionally.
Looking back at my mom I don't see her father as the main reason why she has had trouble with depression and anxiety. The main thing that fueled these issues was her mother's inability to help her understand that it was not her fault that her father left. The feelings of inadequacy, which was in fact perpetuated by her mother, caused most of her problems. I don't think that losing a father means that you are losing out on specific life lessons, it is more a loss of confidence. If someone needed a father to get by, then children from single parents and children from lesbian relationships would not be able to be successful. The most important thing is having people love you unconditionally, the exact gender roles or family situation does not matter.
In response to Matt's post, I completely agree with you that it is important for a father figure to be present but if one isn't then the mother is perfectly capable of stepping up. The mother can definitely raise her children if the father isn't there, it just isn't as easy as it would be if he were there.
ReplyDeleteI think a father figure is an important part in a person's life. Obviously, many mothers are capable of raising a child on their own, but each parent brings something totally different to the family dynamic. I have heard stories of people coming from broken families being more likely to have problems later in life. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and some fathers will not be the caring, loving kind, However, their role in the family and in the child's growing up is integral. It is becoming alarmingly common to see a family without a father, and they have a duty to their children just as much as a mother does.
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